I want to describe how I feel. I feel lonely… And tired. Every day, I wake up not wanting to live, but it’s gotten to a point that I’m so numb I just do things in autopilot. There’s this cloud of cutting thoughts always fogging my surrounding, it’s like a cloud that follows me. Except this cloud just builds up with more and more fog of thoughts everyday. And sometimes I want to explode and make my cloud go away… So then a storm hits. Full thunder and lightening and those are the moments where I find it most tempting to let myself be drowned away. With all these years of silences and being dead I’ve learned to be hopeless. There’s just nothing to look forward. I’m tired. I’m lonely. And I just can’t seem to break away. I’m in-chained to my own skin, my own eyes that see only ugly in this world. I really try to see some pink in all those grey dark shades, but instead I just see painful reds. I’m screaming inside but not even a faint whisper comes out. For how much longer must I live? I’m tired and lonely, and I just don’t want to breathe. At least not this intoxicating fog. I’m dead inside anyway… Just let me be at ease with the soil. I want to burry my soul ten feet underground. Maybe then… My roots will grow into a strong tree. Alive but lifeless.
I’m so fucking mad rn. You’re a piece of shit you broke a promise! Omfg ugh I fucking hate your guts! You just loving finding ways to fucking irritate me and hate you?!